It's 'Completely Normal' to Feel Anger in Motherhood. So Why Do So Many Mums Stay Silent?

Mothers are often told to love unconditionally, be patient, and put their children first. But what about the anger that comes with the role? Experts say it's a normal response to the overwhelming demands of motherhood, yet many women feel guilty or ashamed for feeling it.

Melanie Connell, a 32-year-old mother, admits that while she loves being a mum, she also feels frustrated by the constant expectations and the mental load of managing the household. She says the pressure to be the perfect mother is exhausting and often leads to anger.

Steph, another mother in her 30s, shares similar feelings. Despite having a 'very equal' split with her husband on household chores and childcare, she says she never feels mentally free. The to-do list never ends, and the stress of planning for the future of her children is relentless.

Clinical psychologist Frances Bilbao explains that while anger is a normal response to the 'impossible' expectations of motherhood, it's often misunderstood. She says it's important to recognize that anger is not a sign of failure but a vital signal about what mothers need — and aren't getting.

Sociologist Dr. Sophie Brock adds that the 'myth of the perfect mother' is a major contributor to the silence surrounding maternal anger. She says that when mothers feel they can't express their frustration, they're being 'socially gaslit' — told they're not allowed to feel angry.

Many mothers also fear they'll be judged or ostracized if they speak openly about their anger. Dr. Brock says it's time to change the cultural understanding of what motherhood means, so that love and anger can coexist.

Experts suggest that mothers should try to tune into their anger to understand which needs are not being met. They also encourage mothers to be kind to themselves and to seek support from friends, family, or professionals.

Ultimately, the goal is to create a space where mothers can feel comfortable expressing their anger without guilt. It's a vital part of the motherhood journey, and one that deserves more understanding and support.