Leaving an Abusive Relationship: A Debt That Takes 200 Years to Pay Back

For many women and families caught in the grip of abuse, escaping is not just emotionally and physically traumatic—it’s financially devastating. A recent report by the social lender Good Shepherd reveals the staggering costs involved in leaving an abusive relationship, with one woman taking ten years to save enough money to escape, and others facing debts that could take over two centuries to repay.

A Personal Story of Survival

Jen, a woman whose identity is protected, was diagnosed with a serious tumour, which led to a shift in the dynamics of her relationship. Her abusive partner took control of her finances, including her support payments, and forbade her from accessing any money. Psychological abuse escalated over time, with Jen being isolated from friends and even prevented from driving the family car.

In a desperate attempt to gain some financial independence, Jen obtained a credit card and maintained a hidden bank account. It took her ten years to save enough to leave the relationship. She eventually moved into a one-bedroom flat with her daughter, where they had to share a bed.

With the help of Good Shepherd, Jen managed to wipe out $7,500 in bank debt and received a $300 grant to purchase essential items like a kettle, reclining chair, and fold-out couch. However, the emotional and financial toll of the situation remains imprinted on her life.

The High Cost of Leaving Abuse

Good Shepherd CEO Emma Saunders highlights that the financial burden of escaping an abusive relationship often exceeds $10,000. This includes costs such as finding a new place to live, acquiring essential household items, and even repurchasing medications and disability aids.

“Social housing is available, but the waitlist for March 2025 was 19,308, and it can take years to access. Many people are left with nothing—no car, no furniture, no fridge, no clothes,” Saunders said. “They often have to start from scratch, and that is not something to be taken lightly.”

The Hidden Debts and Systemic Failures

One of the most shocking revelations is the case of a client whose debt to the government could take over 200 years to repay. This raises serious concerns about the policies and practices in place to support survivors of family violence.

“Even when it's an interest-free loan, it's still money you have to pay back,” Saunders said. “It’s still money out of your pay packet. It’s still money that you couldn’t afford because within your family violence situation, you didn’t have any access to money, or you had debt taken out in your name that you didn’t know about.”

Calls for Change

Emma Saunders and other advocates are calling for systemic changes, including the removal of eligibility limits for legal aid in cases involving family violence, the wiping of government-related debts for survivors, and the provision of one-off grants rather than loans.

Fincap, a group representing financial mentors, has also called for the government to review laws to better support survivors of family violence. They highlighted cases where women were coerced into car loans they couldn’t access and were left struggling with unaffordable mortgage repayments when their partners refused to help.

“We recommend the committee report back that the Government should look to endorse, or set, a review that determines how the law best supports fairness and efficiency in improving outcomes for borrowers who are survivors of family violence,” Fincap said.

As the conversation around financial abuse and family violence continues to grow, so too does the urgency for change. The stories of survivors like Jen remind us that the cost of escaping abuse is not just emotional—it’s deeply financial, and it’s time for society to step up and provide real, lasting support.